SUMMARY

  • There is a process whereby you can become aware of your fear strategies and then transform the fear strategies into courage strategies so that you become a person of faith rather than a person of fear.
  • It’s important that you know fear. If you want to change fear into courage, you’re going to have to understand how it takes control of you.
  • The recipe against that is that the moment where that fear monster starts to grab and hold you and starts trying to run the routine, we slow down and we go, “Okay, I see what’s going on here.”
  • So, if you need to express, and I call that the “true self,” that your true kindness, your true contribution, intelligence, or skill, and doing it in your own way, not tainted by anybody else’s opinions or desires, just pure you, if you want to be that true self, that’s the courage self.
  • Having cowardly connections, as you can guess, is having around you a bunch of people that are meek and scared and constantly acting out this meekness and fear.
  • Watch the video to get the full training.
  • This is a MUST WATCH episode about how to 10X YOUR LIFE and don’t compare yourself to others

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It’s Alex Goad, best-selling author, coach, and small business specialist.  Today, we’re going to continue talking about how to “10X Your Life.” Specifically, we’re going to talk about how to transform a fear habit into a courage habit so that you can undertake anything that you want and overcome almost any challenge along the way.

The biggest number one challenge is to overcome yourself and the perceived difficulties, problems, and everything else that stops you from engaging with your true self with the things that really matter to you and to try to fulfill your destiny, your dreams, or whatever you want to call it, but to use your time on this earth in the way that most closely represents who you are as a person and what you truly believe matters.  Sound good?  Let’s get going.

There is a process whereby you can become aware of your fear strategies and then transform the fear strategies into courage strategies so that you become a person of faith rather than a person of fear.  I’m going to show you how to do that.  The process has four steps, and we’re going to go over them right now.

The first step is to identify your fear strategies.  I talked about this in the last video, and if you didn’t watch that, I highly recommend that you pause the video right now, go back to the last one, and watch it immediately before you continue this one, because everything that you see here is going to make so much more sense if you’ve watched the one before.

Here’s the bottom line, and here’s one of the things that I was saying.  Fear is not just something that happens once in a while by mistake.  Fear is something that has become a habit.  In fact, it’s a habit of fearfulness.  It’s a way that we process reality and that, basically, makes certain things possible and other things impossible or really hard.

If you watched the last video, you know that the main purpose of fear or the reason why it exists, it has a good intention.  It’s trying to protect you.  It’s trying to keep you safe.  The problem in today’s day and age is that we live more of a kind of generalized anxiety than any true fear.  There’s no saber-toothed tigers.  Nobody’s going to come and club you over the head – well, probably not, hopefully not.  The things that we fear, the things that stop us, are ego, reputation, fear of failure, fear of appearing ridiculous, and all of these little things that, in reality, are not that damaging, but we perceive them as being such a big deal that we stop ourselves from doing anything.  Then we become stagnant and we become cold and timid souls that know neither victory nor defeat.  And it sucks.  So, here’s how you reverse that.

Number one, you identify your fear strategy or strategies.  Remember, this is a habit loop that’s being run.  Here’s how it works.  You conceive of in your mind something that you would desire to have, desire to change, desire to be. Maybe you want to ask someone out, maybe you want to modify a relationship, maybe you want to make more money.  There’s so many possibilities.  So, you conceive in your mind this thing that you want that’s outside of the reach of your normal comfort zone.  And, then, what happens is that a fear strategy comes into place and somehow convinces you to back off, keep your mouth shut, don’t try, don’t stand out, don’t create any conflict.  And all this mental stuff starts coming into place that makes you go, “You know what?  I’m going to do it later,” or “I’m not going to do it,” or “Maybe that’s not for me.”  And, then, we decide to do nothing –  the all popular “do nothing approach.”

It’s important that you know fear.  If you want to change fear into courage, you’re going to have to understand how it takes control of you.  You’re going to have to understand how it appears to be one thing, it appears to be realistic, logical but, in reality, it’s not.  It’s more of an emotional response that’s trying to get you to go, “I’m not trying anything.  I’m not taking any risks.”  Once you know your strategy, when it starts playing itself out, you kind of become an observer and you see, like, “Oh, I’m doing that thing again.  I’m going to stop myself.”

The more awareness you have, the more you will be able to identify immediately when you start running a fear routine and start running a courage routine instead.  Here’s how you do that, precisely.

You slow down and you listen.  We’re so hectic in our world.  We have so many to-do’s.  And we’re always rush, rush, rush, rush, rush.  We even try to rush through our anxiety and rush through our fear.  What that makes us do is, it makes us quit, it makes us stop, it makes us go, “This is driving me insane.  I’ve had enough.”  And, so, we quit.  In no time, we start quitting more and more things, and we start trying less and less things.  And we become pretty much stagnant in our life, and then we begin to contract.

The recipe against that is that the moment where that fear monster starts to grab and hold you and starts trying to run the routine, we slow down and we go, “Okay, I see what’s going on here.”  And we become conscious of the process.  As soon as you become conscious of the process that your fear strategy is happening, then you can really influence things.  Then you can use your logical brain instead of your reptile brain that’s saying, like, “Run away as fast as you can.”  You can turn on your logical, big, juicy, human brain, and say, “Hold on a second.  This looks a lot worse than it is, and I’m sure that we can make sense of it.”

The first thing you do is, you slow down, and you listen.  A really good strategy for doing that is to, if you can somehow do it, you sit down or you lie down, you close your eyes, you breathe deeply, and you try to switch outside of the mind and into the body.  One great way to do this is through meditation or even just trying to feel your breath, feel the different parts of your body.  But the point is to try and shut off the monkey brain a little bit and get into the body, because these deep emotions like fear, they live in the body, not in the mind.

So, we slow down.  We get into the body.  And, then, we listen.  Often, what you’re going to hear is a voice.  The voice is going to be telling you, it’s going to be feeding you, criticism and limiting beliefs, limiting stories.  And it’s funny, but it sounds the same for almost anybody, even people that have extraordinary accomplishments.  Sometimes the voice goes away when they get to a certain level, and they become so good at getting things done that eventually the voice goes like, “Well, okay, it’s not going to work with you, so I’m going to stop trying.”

But, for the most part, even extraordinarily successful people, when they want to go just one level up from where they already are, the voice starts saying things like, “Who are YOU to accomplish such a thing?  Other people better than you have tried and failed.”  And it just goes round and round and round, and it whispers this poison into your ear.  And it knows exactly what to tell you to make you quit, to make you tremble like a leaf in the fall wind and make you quit.  And that’s its goal.

The next step.  So, now we heard the voice.  We hear what it’s saying.  We welcome it to speak.  We want to know what it’s saying because that’s what’s going to make you quit.  And you’re going to see that what it’s saying is generally not true.  We’re going to challenge it, and we’re going to reframe it.

Here’s what’s happened so far.  We’ve decided that we want to do something new or we’re already doing it, and our fear strategy has begun to kick in.  So, we’ve slowed down and said, “I see what’s going on here.”  We slow down.  We listen.  And we have our inner critic that, more or less, viciously starts laying it on us.  Then what we do is, we challenge the critic.  And there’s different ways of doing it, but one of the very simple ways is just to ask the critic to say things in a nicer way.  That’s all.

So, the critic might be saying something like, “You’re no good.  You’ll never be able to do this.  You suck.  You failed at everything you’ve ever tried.”  Sounds vicious, I know, but that’s how it happens.  So, you’re going to say, “Rephrase,” or “Start over,” or “Can you say that in a nicer way?”  You say that in your mind, and the critic will generally obey.  It might soften the statement and say, “Well, you failed at a lot of things.  You’ve been successful at some.  But you failed at a lot.”  Already, that’s getting softer and more bearable.

Same thing is, when you take the critic’s words for what they are, it wants to be really black and white because, remember, its goal is not to negotiate with you.  Its goal is to kill your plans and make you retreat back to the safety of your comfort zone.  So, you challenge it, and it takes its absolute black and white statement and softens, softens, softens, until you get something that’s a lot more realistic.  And this is the point where you can reframe things.

So, you take an absolute black and white statement like, “You’ll never be able to do such thing,” and you transform it into, “You’ve been able to do a lot of things that you previously thought that you couldn’t do, and then you worked on it, you practiced, and you tried.  And after trying several times, you were able to.  So, there’s at least a good chance that if you keep trying and you work on this, you’re going to be able to do it, as well.”

In time, if you do this often enough, what happens is that the critic starts to realize that you’re not going to let it have its way with you.  And, so, it starts speaking more nicely, and it starts being less critical.  Sometimes it starts to even be supportive.  And you find that those inner voices that tried to stop you and put you down, start being okay with what you’re doing.  And, eventually, they might even become encouraging voices.  Imagine that.

Next step is to act, but to act in a specific way, which is to act deliberately.  What’s at stake when you think about fear versus courage?  I’ve said this before in many of my videos.  I really believe that the purpose of life, that every single one of us has a purpose, and that every single one of us has a desire to express their intelligence, their skills, their good-naturedness, their kindness, and to do so in an authentic manner.

So, if you need to express, and I call that the “true self,” that your true kindness, your true contribution, intelligence, or skill, and doing it in your own way, not tainted by anybody else’s opinions or desires, just pure you, if you want to be that true self, that’s the courage self.  That’s the faith self.  And the price for not having any courage is that you cannot actualize any of those things.  You never get to the bottom of your intelligence.  You never really express it.  You have a desire to be good and to do good in the world, but you do very little or almost nothing, and you have almost no impact.

And, finally, the biggest price of all is that, instead of being a unique individual, the one that you feel like you were meant to be, you become kind of a gray clone that’s trying not to offend, not to disturb, and not to be noticed.  That’s the price.

I’ve just described what it is to act deliberately, to decide what’s right for you and to act in accordance with those principles.  That’s living a principled life.  That’s living your true self.  And that’s what I hope that you’re going to do, or I hope that you’re already doing it.  If you’re not, if you’re giving into fear too often, this is a strategy to increase your courage.  If you do it often, your courage will bump up little by little.  Sometimes it will take leaps and bounds.  Sometimes you’ll get to a point where you’ll think, “How did I ever get here?  This is incredible what I’m experiencing.”  You have to start.  You have to believe.  That’s the beginning of faith,  believing that it’s possible.  Give it a try.  You’ll see, this is one of the number one things that transforms your life.  You don’t need to learn new skills.  You don’t need to spend a bunch of money.  You don’t need to really do anything more than shore up your courage and be more willing to act in the direction that feels right towards you.  And, all of a sudden, every single aspect of your life becomes transformed by that one value of courage.

Before I close off this video for this week, here’s one of the things that will really help a great deal, and in fact, having courageous connections.  What I mean by “courageous connections” is having a bunch of people in your life that are courageous and that encourage, encourage courage in you and in the people around them.

And the opposite of that is having cowardly connections.  Having cowardly connections, as you can guess, is having around you a bunch of people that are meek and scared and constantly acting out this meekness and fear.  But not only that, they are enablers of your own meekness and your own fear.  The difference between courageous connections and cowardly connections is that a courageous connection, when you say, “You know, I’m working on this.  It’s really hard.  It’s kicking my ass, and I’m starting to think that maybe I can’t do it.  Maybe I’m not good enough.  Maybe I’m not cut out for this.  Maybe I should try something else instead,” all of that stuff, that person, can sit there and say, “You know, it’s normal on the pathway that you’re on that it’s not easy.  It’s not supposed to be easy.  All of the people that have made it to where you want to go, I’m sure that they experienced these difficulties, as well.  So, maybe what you need to do is keep going a little longer.  Maybe you need to set another target for yourself in the future.  Maybe you need to add this resource, increase this skill.”  But, essentially, what they’re doing is, they’re encouraging you to act with courage and to move towards your dreams and your goals.

These people are few and far between, by the way.  So, if you look for them in your environment, in your family, and in your friends, maybe you’ll find that you have none.  There’s none.  You have to go out there and get them.  Go to events.  Join Masterminds.  Join online groups, whatever it takes to find yourself among a group of people that is growing and that is challenging themselves on a daily basis and that are willing to fail in order to also be able to experience victory.

Most people who are stuck and stagnant in their life, one of the biggest problems is that they are surrounded by cowardly connections.  And cowardly connections give you a terrible example because they never try anything threatening.  They always stay within their comfort zone.  And, so, they cannot grow.  They can’t grow, and they don’t want you to grow either.  So, whenever you have a complaint, whenever you say, “This is hard,” they say, “Of course, it’s hard.  You should quit.  What were you thinking?” or, “The game is rigged against you.  It’s impossible to achieve the result that you want.”

Essentially, they kind of echo those nasty, little voices in your head that are trying to push you down, keep you small, and make sure that you never get an inch beyond where you already are.  Do not be surprised if you investigate and find that all of your family, all of your friends, and all of your connections in relationships are cowardly connections.  It’s entirely possible, and most people actually live that way.

If you find that that’s the case, and even if it’s not the case, adding courageous connections to your life, that’s what’s going to open the way for you to start behaving a different way, and it’s going to pull you forward.  It’s going to multiply your efforts.  It’s going to show you that it is worthwhile, it is possible.  And if you find the right people, they will be extremely supportive of your dreams, your motives, and your “10X Life.”  Imagine that.

Last point before I go.  Dealing with things that are either uncertain, hard, or challenging is a really important part of life, and it’s something that comes up every day.  It comes up every day a thousand times a day.  And then we make choices.  The choices that we make determine how our life turns out.  If we make cowardly choices, we get really bad outcomes, and we shrink until we become a tiny, little thing.  If we make courageous choices, eventually we get close to living an ideal life and having all of the things that we want and materializing in this world, actualizing ourselves.

You’re going to have to cultivate awareness because if you’ve already been doing this for a long time, those habits are deeply ingrained, and the fear strategies that get you to quit, get you to stop, or prevent you from even engaging in the first place, they are extremely powerful, and they’re probably programs that you’ve run thousands of times.  It’s such a deeply ingrained habit that you don’t even see it happen.  You don’t feel it happening.  It just happens.

Now that we’ve talked about it, maybe a light bulb is going off.  Maybe you take this opportunity to realize I’m not just preaching this at you.  I’m not trying to make you feel bad.  I’m not trying to make you feel like a coward.  On the contrary, I’m trying to encourage you to discover in yourself the strength and the ability to go and get everything that you want.  I really believe that you have it inside of you right now.  I really believe that if you challenge your fear and your fear strategies, you’re going to win.  You’re going to come out on the other side, and you’re going to feel wonderful.  And the way that you’re going to do this, or at least one of them, is to cultivate awareness.

So, I strongly recommend, I call it the “7 X 7 Morning Crush.”  It’s a morning ritual.  I do it every single morning.  What it does is, it reminds me that every single day matters, and it reminds me that today, even if I don’t feel like it, if I want to live a fully actualized life, I have to find the meaning.  I have to fully engage.  And fully engaging means that, when those little demons of fear and discouragement and all that stuff show up, and they will show up, guaranteed, when they show up, I’m going to see them coming from far away, and I’m going to be waiting for them.  And if they try to get too close, I’m going to wallop them in the bottom, or whatever it is.

But, essentially, the more aware you are of these things, the more control you’ll be able to regain, and the more you’ll realize this was just a whole false construct in your head and that once you free yourself from it, not only do you have all this relief from anxiety, but you also find all of this inner strength that allows you to finally be the incredible transformer of everything in your life from mediocrity into excellence.  And that’s really the role of courage.  It’s to allow you to live your life on your own terms.

So, hey, I’m Alex Goad.  Thank you for listening.  And I want to remind you that today counts.  So, behave yourself accordingly.