- What I’ve noticed is that people are willing to admit to all sorts of negative emotions. They’re willing to admit to being lazy.
- Fear, the antithesis of courage, is one of the most powerful and crippling forces that controls almost everything that we do.
- In order to transform anything, in order to go from being fat to being thin and healthy, you need courage.
- “Whether in the end he has ultimate triumph or abject failure, at least he will not be part of those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
- Here’s the flip side of that. This is a stage, and this is a curtain, and this is a tiger. What this represents is the theater of your mind.
- But, a lot of people get caught up into doing too much for other people, and then they start feeling like they’re a victim, and they use the obligations that they have set up themselves for themselves to excuse not engaging with the things that really matter to them.
- She says that, through her research, she shows that 60% of people in our society are wired for a fixed mindset, and about 40% of people in our society are wired for an abundance mindset.
- Now, the fixed mindset, or the scarcity mindset, says that, however good you are now, that’s about how good you’ll ever be.
- Watch the video to get the full training.
- This is a MUST WATCH episode about how to 10X YOUR LIFE and don’t compare yourself to others
Hi, there. It’s best selling author, coach, and small business specialist, Alex Goad. And, today, we’re going to be talking about one of the most important things that stands between where you are now and everything that you would like to have out of life: fulfillment, contribution, money, great relationships, great experiences. All of it stands just on the other side of this one thing. What is it?
It’s one of the negative emotions. What I’ve noticed is that people are willing to admit to all sorts of negative emotions. They’re willing to admit to being lazy. They’re willing to admit to being angry. They’re willing to admit to a whole bunch of things. But here’s one of the ones that we’re not willing to admit to. And this is particularly true for men. Or, at least it used to be. And, it is “fear.”
Fear, the antithesis of courage, is one of the most powerful and crippling forces that controls almost everything that we do. And as you’ll see, the amount of courage that you display literally determines everything else. Can you become a person who lives according to a life mission, to principles? Can you express your true self? Can you be a contributor? Can you right wrongs that you see in the world? All of those things require courage.
The ability to transform anything requires courage. And the antithesis of courage – fear – will assume any form in the world to stop you from doing it. I’m going to explain in just a second. But just realize, if you think right now, “I’m not scared. It’s something else. It’s because of the economy. It’s because I don’t have this. It’s because I’m not that kind of person.”
Whatever that dialogue is that’s going on in your head, it’s overwhelmingly likely that that’s one of the voices of fear. But it doesn’t sound like fear. It sounds like something else that you’re more easily able to accept. But the common denominator is the same thing. And it’s standing in your way. It’s stopping you dead in your tracks. The more of it you clear out of the way, the faster you can go, the further you can go. Let’s investigate.
In order to transform anything, in order to go from being fat to being thin and healthy, you need courage. In order to have someone, a work relationship, a personal relationship, a friend, a wife, a husband, start treating you in a different way than the one that they’re treating you so far, you’re going to have to step up and ask for it. You’re going to have to feel worthwhile.
You want to have more money? You want to have more knowledge, more skills, more whatever? Courage is the number one secret ingredient required for all of those things. No guts, no glory. And so on and so forth. We’ve heard so many of those different kinds of explanations.
Here is the root of everything. At any given moment, your life is either contracting or expanding. You can contract, or you can expand. One of the number one mistakes that we make, and we all make these mistakes, and we all fall into this trap at some point, is that we think that we can stay still. We think that we can make the curve of our life go like this. So, we get to a point where we like things. We like how things are. And then we think, “You know what? I would just like to freeze this in time. The money that I’m making, the relationships that I have, the way that I feel, the health that I have, I want things to stay like this.”
But you know what happens? Things can never stay like this. They can either go forward and get better, or they can go backward and get worse. One or the other. Stand still does not exist. It’s an illusion that tricks our human minds and does all sorts of bad things for us. We’re either expanding or contracting. Here’s the recipe for contracting. I’m sure that you already know it, and I’m sure that if you take two seconds to think about it, you’re going to see that everywhere around you this is true.
I drew a little point here in the middle of a circle. Imagine that this is a circle. I drew a little point here, and the point represents the very center of your comfort zone. You got this point at the center of your comfort zone, and everything within the circle is already known territory. You’re comfortable doing it. It doesn’t challenge you. It feels fine. You can just go, “Sure. Whatever. I’ll do it. No problem.” Then, you get to the limit of your comfort zone, and then there’s outside of the comfort zone.
Here’s the important thing to realize, is that expansion, every single form of expansion that you will ever experience in any sphere of your life is going to happen outside of your comfort zone. Therefore, you’re going to need to go there often and regularly, and you’re going to need to feel good about it. And if you can do that, then you can go and get a whole bunch of stuff from out there and bring it into your comfort zone and live a great life. That’s the recipe.
I put a little “v” and a little “d” here because these are the two multipliers of expansion. They multiply energy. They multiply momentum. They multiply your ability to have a mission and purpose in your life. What are they? I’m going to start with a little quote by Theodore Roosevelt, which I’m going to thoroughly screw up right now. But you’re going to get the gist of it. He says, “The one who matters is not the critic. The one who points out where the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. No. The one who matters is the man in the arena, the one doing the deed with the blood, sweat, and tears running down his face. Whether in the end he has ultimate triumph or abject failure, at least he will not be part of those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” These are the things that we are trying to avoid, and yet these are the things that change our lives, and everything in between. If you avoid playing, then you neither get victory nor defeat, and you get nothing. You stay here. You contract. Foregone conclusion. So, obviously we don’t want that.
Let’s move onto the next point. Why is it that we’re so damn fearful? Why are we scared of everything? There’s actually really good evolutionary reasons for it, and here’s one of them. Or, here’s the main one, actually. It is that fear is the number one best survival mechanism. Period. It’s trying to get you to not screw up so that you don’t get hurt or killed. And there’s a very good reason for that. It’s because the world used to be for human beings as it is now for animals — a very dangerous place. There are predators out there. There are diseases. And everything that’s unknown is a threat. This isn’t the world that we used to live in. Now we don’t live in that world anymore. For the most part, there’s no predators. For the most part, if you contradict your tribe elders and they dislike what you say, they can’t really eject you from the tribe because you’re not in the tribe anymore. Or, if they do reject you, somebody else is willing to take you in.
In the olden times, if you lost your membership to the tribe, to that greater unit, you were out alone in the jungle, in the savannah, and you’re subject to exposure that would likely lead to your death. So, it was a really good time to conform to norms and to make sure that if you encounter, for example, a mushroom, it represents the unknown. If you encounter something that you’re not already familiar with, the proper response used to be, “Avoid it. Don’t touch it.” The problem now is that, if you live by those rules, you become paralyzed, and you can’t do anything.
The real threats in the environment were absolutely real. And to a certain extent, they still are real. The difference between humans and animals is that we’re able to remember, for a long time, our experiences and, particularly, our negative experiences. We remember them, and we leaf through them in our minds again and again, and we begin to anticipate them in the future.
Here’s the flip side of that. This is a stage, and this is a curtain, and this is a tiger. What this represents is the theater of your mind. We all have the theater in our minds. We’re able to really create incredibly detailed movies up here with sound, with smell, with the whole thing, incredibly vivid. We can even zoom it in to the point where it feels like we’re right in the picture, with our noses up against the screen. The problem is that we use too much of this theater of the mind to play out negative scenarios, one after another. The stuff that we fear, the bad things that could happen, we imagine them again and again, in the morning, in the middle of the day, right before we go to bed, and it creates a general sense of anxiety and fear and meekness. The good news is that we can use this theater of the mind to see good things, to project good outcomes. I’ll show you how later.
Here’s the really important thing to understand about fear. Fear is a habit, and it’s a habit that the point of it is to keep you safe. The thing is, it’s terribly misguided. It really doesn’t want you to go outside because it’s afraid terrible things are going to happen outside. But the reality of it is that it’s pretty safe outside. So, we’ve got to find a way to negotiate.
One of the ways that you find to negotiate is, you have to realize who you’re up against. And you’re not up against just purely a force. You’re up against your own habit of how you deal. How do you stop yourself from going out there and experiencing risk, experiencing hardship, experiencing uncertainty? We all have strategies that we use so that we construct something in our mind that makes us quit doing the thing that feels dangerous, feels threatening, feels like it’s creating anxiety. When we quit, that’s the reward.
If you go back to “The Power of Habit,” a really great book by the author, Charles Duhigg, he says that every single habit is composed of three things: the queue, the routine, and the reward. The queue is basically that you start doing something outside of your comfort zone, and it gives you a sense of alarm. You start feeling a little funny. That’s the queue right there. It usually starts in your body. You start feeling a little funny, a little uncomfortable. And then you start scanning around you and think, “Something’s wrong.” So, you start looking for it. And then you latch onto something, and you run through a routine, or a strategy of fearfulness. And then the reward that you get for running the routine is, you stop doing the thing, or you run back inside of your comfort zone, and all of a sudden, you feel okay again.
So, the goal of the routine is to feel okay again by stopping the thing that feels threatening. That’s the purpose of fear. And, like I was telling you in the beginning of this video, it will assume any form. It will use any voice. It will whisper words of love in your ear if that’s what it takes, or hate, or whatever in between to get you to stop doing the thing that it perceives as threatening.
So, here are the five strategies of fearfulness.
The first strategy of fearfulness is a very well known one, and it is called “procrastination.” Procrastination is probably the most popular and the most satisfying way of getting out of doing things that scare or intimidate us because we can not do it, and we don’t have to admit to any wrong doing because we’re going to do it later. Isn’t that wonderful? So, procrastination, a lot of people equate it to laziness. It’s not laziness. It’s one of the voices of fear. What is it doing? It is preventing you from experiencing the fact that you feel like you’re not good enough or that whatever you do might get a low grade or might not be successful. You don’t get to experience that rejection or that loss if you don’t do it. And, so, you find all of these reasons why you’re going to do it later. And that’s called “procrastination.”
The next strategy is “perfectionism.” Perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand. The strategy of the perfectionist is to feel like nothing is ever good enough and to also feel like they’re never good enough. When you use the perfectionism strategy, when you go outside of your comfort zone, you always feel like whatever you’re doing is not going to work, isn’t good enough, and it’s just this constant weight that grinds you down, grinds you down, grinds you down. And on top of it, you never feel satisfaction because you feel like you always have to do more, more, more, more. And even though you do more, more, more, more, it’s never good enough because that’s how perfectionists live, never good enough. The constant attacks in the mind that the perfectionist goes through is soon discouraging and gets them to stop doing the thing that is causing that kind of discomfort.
Next, “altruism plus.” Altruism is a wonderful thing – caring about others, wanting what’s best for them. Lovely. But, a lot of people get caught up into doing too much for other people, and then they start feeling like they’re a victim, and they use the obligations that they have set up themselves for themselves to excuse not engaging with the things that really matter to them. This is the kind of person that will fill their schedule with obligations to others and then say, “You know, I wish I could take care of my health. I just don’t have time because I have to do such and such thing.” Or, “I’m going to write my book one day, maybe. I can’t do it right now because I have so many commitments to this person, that person, that person.” So, this is another one of the strategies with which you can refuse to engage with what’s necessary to expand.
The next strategy, S.O.S. or, “Shiny Object Syndrome.” Shiny object syndrome is pretty self-explanatory. You start doing something that has some meaning to you that could create some value down the line, but then, as you start doing it, as it starts to become a little challenging and difficult, and it starts to create feelings of discomfort, all of a sudden you discover, hear about, or think about this other thing that’s probably going to be better than what you’re doing right now, or that you should do now, and the other thing, you’ll do it later. But the basic idea here is that you always find something else more attractive than what you’ve got now. And that feels like a perfectly reasonable reason to stop what you’re doing now and to go do something else. But what this guarantees is that you never experience depth in your life, and you often rob yourself of either victory or defeat.
And, the last one, the “Scarcity Mind.” We all, to a certain extent, have this. The scarcity mind, or scarcity mindset, to quote Carol Dweck, the author of the book “Mindset,” goes a little something like this. She says that, through her research, she shows that 60% of people in our society are wired for a fixed mindset, and about 40% of people in our society are wired for an abundance mindset. Here’s the difference between the two. The abundance mindset firmly believes that whatever your abilities that you have now, you can increase them through practice, through trying. The person really feels this is a deep level of conviction. Like, “I’m not good at that, but if I started doing it and I practice, I would become good.” And, that’s the abundance mindset.
Now, the fixed mindset, or the scarcity mindset, says that, however good you are now, that’s about how good you’ll ever be. Whatever experiences you have now or have had in the past, you can maybe do a tiny bit better than that but not a lot better than that. And, of course, if you investigate, that’s absolutely not true, because you just have to look at the path that very successful people have followed, and they really start at the bottom and they finish at the very top. So, the truth is that we can expand our abilities and our experiences in incredibly significant manners, but most of us are wired to believe that that’s not true.
So, I highly recommend the book, and I highly recommend that you look deeper into the subject because whether you have a scarcity mindset or an abundance mindset, it will slow you down. It will stop you. And it’s never really 100%. So, sometimes we think, in some aspects of our lives, we can experience unlimited growth, and in other aspects of our lives, we can’t experience any growth at all. And, of course, that’s never true. We can almost always get better, almost always grow, almost always transform our current experience into something close to our ideal experience as long as we don’t give into fear and we exhibit enough courage.
In the next video, what I’m going to do is show you a process whereby you can take these strategies and transform them instead into strategies for courage. And when you do that, here’s a really… Well, I’m going to read you a little quote from this book. This is one of my favorite books. It’s called “The 50th Law,” and it was written by Robert Green and 50 Cent. So, Robert Green is the author of many of these laws of, for example, human nature, laws of power. He wrote “The 48 Laws of Power.” And “The 50th Law of Power” is this whole book. I really recommend as great stuff. Here’s a quote from 50 Cent in the book. He says, “The greatest fear that people have is that of being themselves. They want to be 50 Cent or someone else. They do what everybody else does even if it doesn’t fit where and who they are. But you get nowhere that way. Your energy is weak. No one pays attention to you. You’re running away from the one thing that you own, what makes you different. I lost that fear, and once I felt the power that I had by showing that I didn’t care about being like other people, I could never go back.”
So, there is really a tremendous power in freeing ourselves from the shackles of fear. I’m going to show you how to do it in the next video.
Once again, I thank you for watching. I invite you to decide, right now, that you’re not going to be another one of those cold and timid souls. And I invite you to make that difference in your life today. Because, remember, every single day is a template for the rest of your life, so make it count. Thanks for watching.
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